Thursday, September 11, 2008

The current state

I've come back from work with the worst mood and I have no explanation for this. Even though my sister is having her friends over, I can not by any means participate in the festivities. It's neither depression nor sadness, but rather a state of utter disbelief and isolation. It's as if a circle has been drawn around me, a tiny circle of perfect dimensions, and it prevents anything from coming in or out. After shutting myself in my room, I picked up a book I want to read called "The confessions" by Jean-Jacques Rousseau; it's an autobiography, some argue that it's the first of its kind. I had no expectations of this book, or anything else, I started to read the lines and then there is this paragraph that made it a bit clearer:

"Simply myself. I know my own heart and understand my fellow man. But I am made unlike any other I have met; I will even venture to say that I am like no one in the whole world. I may be no better, but at least I am different. Whether nature did well or ill in breaking the mould in which she formed me, is a question which can only be resolved after reading my book."

Very true and right now that portrays exactly my current mood. I guess it's a cumulative effect of last night. First of all, I put myself in a completely new situation and as usual I couldn't relate to anything, even though I thought I would. Then someone told me sth to encourage me, but it resulted in me feeling as different as a fresh water eel in the sea.
I can't relate and I don't understand. I know that this state will probably go away after iftar (and for that I am utterly grateful), but still these are not the best thoughts to have at the end of a very exhausting week.

Have a happy weekend, or at least I hope you have a serene one.

2 comments:

marooned84 said...

I can totally relate to that feeling. it has no apparent reason, but there's always a reason hidden by ur unconscious mind. hope u'll lost it aftar iftar :)

Cesario said...

I agree. Well, if I know the reason, things can improve, I would usually convince myself of a solution, but I have no reason for this awful mood.
I'm a bit better, but still in trance-like don't talk to me state. I think I bothered my sister's friends.

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