Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Beginnings

I've always loved beginnings with what they hold of potential, experiences and simply novel challenges. I love beginnings almost as much as I hate endings, especially that the latter is usually accompanied by my assessment of the situation and my performance in it. In addition, being the closure-seeking person that I am, an ending can very much mean the abrupt disconnection of all aspects related to such situation, including innocent bystanders, good memories and sweet achievements.
I find it utterly difficult to asses something as a "failure" and at the same time savour the lessons learnt, opportunities lost and the wise outcome that makes me a more mature person.

And yet, with every new beginning, a feeling of uneasiness is aroused in me and I wonder whether this beginning will be of a successful ending or not. I was advised to just "have fun and do my best" and I actually find this to be the best piece of advice I've received in a while. It maybe so because it was uttered by someone whom I consider to be successful and who doesn't know me very well, but sees herself in me, her raw unpolished self.

During this time of my life I am trying to be optimistic, less neurotic and worry-free (or just worry less), but try as I might I still have this "I am going to vomit" feeling before every new experience and every new situation. I still question my thoughts and reactions, argue with myself about what should have been done and lament over lost opportunities. I'm improving, but it's taking quite some time and a lot of effort that includes at many times shutting my mind up.

4 comments:

SaRaH said...

I have the same uneasiness when it comes to waiting for something to start of end and I always tell myself I hate in between phases its either beginning or ending why dont we get it over and done with..
But i also tell you as your friend did sometimes it good to enjoy what you look a little bit just a little bit under your feet

marooned84 said...

I totally agree about this advice being the best ever. you can start thinking when u r sure something is going wrong, but being overanctious usually ruins all prospects for u and then u start blaming urself and the whole pile..

The problem is: it's not that easy 2 stop worrying!

lost within said...

The beauty of beginnings is that we do not fully know what will unfold , what will come out of it all !!
The urge to vomit is normal, more than you can think ...

Just try to relax and hope for the best to come out of this new beginning :)

All the very best =)

Cesario said...

Sarah: Having fun makes it all worthwhile, that's what I found out.

Marooned84:It's not easy, but when you do get there, it's a wonderful feeling.

Lost Within: you're right and I am trying my best. Thanks for the wishes.

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