Sunday, May 03, 2009

Lost

I am deeply,greatly, utterly and entirely lost in things that I can't make sense of. Right now, I am reading a book about the universe and physics (as recommended by Gjoe) and I find it much easier to understand than most things in my life. The universe is enormous and according to the book, finite yet it gives the feeling of infinity due to its humongous dimensions and curvature nature.
And although my tiny mind can't possibly begin to fathom the entirety of this vast universe, I find it easier to accept than some of the concepts I run into during my everyday living.

Even the weather doesn't make sense, we're in May and the weather today was warm, cloudy and at some point there were raindrops and now there is wind. STRANGE!!!
Yet somehow, it's kind of poetic, tomorrow I should know what kind of career is waiting for me in the current multinational that I have been training in for the past 9 months. This is relatively one of the major events of my young life and it so happens that the earth's atmosphere has provided an appropriate reaction; much like my own. I am worried, annoyed, lost, suffocating, alone and unsympathetic.

On the other hand, things in general have been strange, I haven't been myself for a while now and it has begun to annoy me and my behavior has changed significantly to something that I can't really characterize as good or bad. In addition, I have been weak, stupid, mad, angry and completely stressed out.

And within all this turmoil, only one word emerges; LOST. I am lost within myself and in the world, I don't know why I am behaving the way I am or why I am doing the things that I am doing, but the whole point is I don't want to be lost or confused anymore.

It sucks...

Listening to~ Lost by Michael Buble

4 comments:

Brownie said...

u said once in one of ur posts that u don't know what u actually want so i am assuming that u don't know what job u want to do, so lets look to the positive side of others deciding what job u r going to do, accept and try it, no matter what it turns to be, it may be what u want to do exactly.

Brownie said...

forget to wish u good luck, so GOOD LUCK INSHAA ALLAH

Juka said...

How did the career decision go?

Cesario said...

Thx Brownie :D

Juka: I got a position in sales and operations, the next post explains it.

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