Wednesday, May 06, 2009

I hate my voice

I wouldn't change it, in fact I have a sort of love-hate relationship with my voice; at times I believe it suits me perfectly (i.e.: when Gjoe and Dee are comparing me to Nemo) and at other times it feels so out of place (i.e.: When I am in a business meeting with so many senior manager that I can't count them on my fingers and toes combined (all males) and I am fighting to be heard that I actually have to shout).

My voice is squeaky at times, deep at others and normal most of the time, but it tends to be affected by my phsycological state, when I am intimidated it becomes a bit faint, when I am angry it becomes deep and scarey (told so by many people; friends, colleagues, family members, etc...) and when I am motivated, it becomes really deep and loud that it seems like I am shouting.

As you know, I have been placed, I got to work in sales and operations department, which is very good because it's definitely a new frontier, there are downsides of course, but the only one is that there are no other girls in the department, which makes me the source of many questions, wondering and jokes (not mean jokes, just welcome to the gang, first tiny girl kind of jokes, that you laugh to, but can't figure any witty responses especially when you're nervous as hell).

Currently, I am still learning how to handle myself and learning what my role is, but I decided to take it one day at a time and figure it out from there, because whenever I think of how it should be in the future, I get wobbley knees and a nauseating sensation.

My mentor is very proud of me, as is my father, which is something I hold very dearly, I mean I never really felt my father's pride this way. He's not an emotional person (as your truly) and he's very conservative with his reactions (bardo as yours truly), but after I returned from my first day on the job (late at night):

Dad: Come here.
Me (bewilderd, thinking: Shakly hathaza2): Yes dad?
Dad: Let me take a look at you.
Me (standing infront of him, wondering what's wrong): Nothing is changed, I am as I am.
Dad (smiling): You look nice, what you're wearing is nice.
Me (knowing that I am wearing the same things I always wear on the job, the same old trousers, the same blouse and shoes; or my usual pinks* [wink at dee]): Thanks :D

And I guess this is the one thing that makes me content and satisfied, Rabena Yostor.

*Disclaimer: I wouldn't be caught dead in pink.

2 comments:

Sou-One-Canobee said...

Hey there girl ma3lish its not about how you sound its about what you are made off soon enough you will know you are good at what you do and do not care how you sound like..

Plus Nemo was Cute that is a big plus

Cesario said...

thanks sou, hope you're right :D

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