Friday, May 08, 2009

I know

An average is the sum of a set of numbers divided by their count.

Average isn't a very bad word, even though a lot of people consider it an insult, because everyone needs to feel as if they're not average, that they're unique and special; and YES, I know that everyone is special in their own, I know that God makes each person with his/her own personal touch that can't be emulated. I KNOW.

Yet, somehow, I want to stop pretending, I want to call it for what it is and just throw it away. I AM AVERAGE; there's nothing special about me, not that special. I am generally speaking a good person, a hard worker, but I am average. It's not a bad thing, it's just how I am and I am sick of people telling me that I am something more; I have accepted who I am and what things are in life, so please STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. I hate people trying to make me feel better about facts in life.

All my life, I've known I am average, ever since my childhood, when I was even below average, but I worked hard and made myself get there. It took a long time and it was a rocky path, but I am here and it's not a very bad place. In fact, it's quite soothing. Yet, there's this innate feeling inside of me that just wants to break free from everything in life. I want to run, escape, be somewhere else, stop feeling that I am inadequate, I want to be able to breathe without a pain in my chest and a headache, I want to stop my hair from turning white every time I am stressed out, I want to tell my family to lay off for a while because I am suffocating and I want to tell myself to stop being weak and focusing on what matters.

It hasn't been the most wonderful week at work; all that I've done since I took the job is a lousy presentation that I shouldn't have done aslan, because I am not a freakin admin assistant. Most of my colleagues are going to be someplace else, so I am completely on my own, but to tell you the truth I am going to miss them, they're good people, I really wish they'd get all the best in life. Somehow, I feel stuck, but I don't want to judge it from the start, but right now I am completely stressed out, worried and suffocating. Yes, I know it's strange, but life is all about strange.

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