Wednesday, May 27, 2009

At the end of the rope

I think I have written this before, but I just need to write it again; I admire people who have goals, no matter how trivial I think the goal might be; be it running up and down a hallway till your mother shouts at you, or climbing mount Everest, be it sticking your tongue to a frozen pole for 6 hours or going ice fishing in Alaska. It doesn't matter, if you have a goal, you should know that I truly, honestly admire you.

Not that I am one who knows anything about setting goals, but in corporate, they tell you that your goals should always be S.M.A.R.T. (Specific Measurable Attainable Realistic Time-bound) and to tell you the truth(never mind that I am sort of sure realistic and attainable are the same thing), I think it's all a bunch of bull. Sure your professional goals have to be quote, unquote, SMART, but in real life, BIG FAT CHANCE.

Talking about personal experience, whenever I set a SMART goal, I fail to attain it. You know what, the sweetest goals are those you watch on TV. I have given up on goals, in fact I am giving up the whole idea of planning life.

So, to Coco Chanel, Margret Thatcher, Hoda El Sha3rawy, Hatchepsut, My grandmother and all those we women that worked for our own rights as women, I am sorry I am weak, but it's just the best that I can do and if it's not enough, I am sorry.

To the world, I have no goals, no plans, nothing, I don't know what I want and I don't want the things that everybody want. I am such a freak that I can't even understand myself, but I am exhausted and tired. I have been walking and walking the road to life and no matter how much I try or how fast I walk, I never seem to reach anything, I go in concentric circles, while my family are just watching, trying to help me, but I shun them away.

I want to be somewhere else, but I don't know where, I want to become somebody else, but I don't know who, I want to run, but there's nothing to run to. This time, it's just insufferable and I can't take it anymore, I really can't. I am at the end of my tether and I don't think I can take it any longer.

I am a person... I am human...I am weak...I am broken.

Listening to~ Fairytale by Alexander Rybak

3 comments:

Deeeeeee said...

Sina,I'm currently in the process of re-setting my life goals, feel free to join. Its not a bad thing, as long as you discover it and decide to work on it. It is like repention keda, except not about religion related actions that you should rectify. It is for thoughts, objectives and plans. CHEER UP BA2A!

Juka said...

Cesario, not only will I give you the cliche "we've all been there", but I'm actually going to prove it. Kindly go read the Who I Am page on my blog then ring me and I'll call you.

I hope you do get that moment of enlightenment when the goals become more apparent.

P.S. I thought the "R" in SMART was for relevant!

Cesario said...

Thanks girls, I was just having a bad day. I think I will be fine.

Dee, I am not going to set any goals, not for now at least. I will cheer up, eventually.

Juka, I read the who am I page, it's really realistic. I know I am not alone, thanks for reminding me. Really appreciate it.

I really hope we all find this inner peace we seek.

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