I have figured things out a bit; all the mind tricks and loops, the horses of Troy and landmines. I still can't believe that it is the way it is. The good thing is that I am starting to accept the status quo and it makes sense now; everything really makes sense now. I guess what I am saying is that I am relieved, still stressed, but relieved nonetheless.
The bad news is that I have discovered that I am a completely and utterly shallow person; you couldn't have paid me a million dollars for me to believe that, but at the end of the day, I have to admit that I am shallow. I have reluctantly discovered that I want most things because of the thrill of the chase and once I got them, I don't want them anymore. It would explain many things in my world and it kind of makes sense. I mean after all these years my father turned out to be right, correct and true. He told me this many years ago, but I didn't believe him. I hate it when my father is right, it makes me feel really tiny.