Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The finish line

As I ponder the future of my career and life, the car stops even though the traffic light is green; it’s one of the new traffic lights that tell you how many seconds are left, this one is malfunctioning and instead of flashing “00” it’s flashing “N0” as if to remind me of my dilemma. It’s has been broken for a while, similar to my planning abilities. Today, I realize and admit that I have no plan for my life; I do not seek opportunities, but rather wait for them to appear, which is neither wrong nor right, but this method eliminates expectations and hence the disappointments that come along with failed expectations.

There are many times when I wish that I had a clear plan and I often envy those who have successfully designed goals for their finite existence, but when I think about my life, it’s only during this period of no planning that I have felt truly content; always satisfied with what God gave me and willing to make an effort to earn it. I have finally realized that whatever problems I face are just hurdles on my way to the finish line and whether I arrive there early or late it doesn’t matter as long as I reach my destination. I am content and yet at the same time, I am afraid of not knowing what I really should be doing, I fear that the finish line would be meant for someone else and I would realize it too late. And then again what’s wrong with knowing that you want something only when you see it? Who said that you have to have a preconceived notion of everything you do in life? Why should we make 5 year plans and 10 year goals? I AM UNDECIDED and it doesn’t make me a fool. I am a confused human being who doesn’t have set goals in life, I do have some objectives and aspirations, but as for my goals; I apologize for they aren’t Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Reliable and Time bound (SMART). In fact, most of the time I don’t have goals and sometimes I don’t want to. I see people around me fretting about the fact that they want to be managers by 30, mothers by 25, writers by 40 and I wonder why they do that. Why can’t they just leave it be?

As I share my dilemma with my mother, she tells me not to worry and that my father and her never really had solid plans, but rather ideas of what should be done; they never had action plans and backup plans, but rather at knowing they wanted something, they worked really hard to get it and God often repaid them. So, maybe it's a family thing.

So, to unplanned finish lines, may they always exist and materialize.


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