My current state is that of utter bliss, I have drunk the most amazing Turkish coffee in the morning, the beans are from Jordan. Hands down the best Turkish coffee I have tasted and its caffeine kick is amazing. I have an appointment in the evening, but a part of me wants to ditch it and just continue to write and listen to awesome music.
- Happiness comes in many shapes and sizes. It doesn't make sense nor does it pave the way for anything in the future. It's a present state of being, you will only enjoy it the moment it occurs and then all that is left is the memory of a feeling, a thought, or a situation. In fact, real happiness creeps up on you, and you don't acknowledge it except when someone sees it within you. Those who often say "I am happy", make me think, "Are you, really?" My advice, do whatever that makes you happy, it doesn't have to make sense.Don't expect it to last or wait for it, just be glad it came to you, however fleetingly.
Where was I?
- Inclinations and obsessions; I have been reading depraved novel after another due to a course I am taking. My mind is suffering, but I have to admit that even though the topics are up-hauling, the creativity and the language is thought-provoking. When you study literature, really critiquing it, you get discover the delicate intricacies that goes into it and the amount of thought. I really think that a literary work is like a statue, you first start with a single block of marble (or a raw thought) and through hard labor and determination, you get to transfer this block into something more elaborate and inviting. You just have to believe in the existence of the statue, that no matter what happens, it will come to life and just keep on working, even if you don't know how it look like at the end. As for inclinations; you know when you do something continuously every day and you get to notice the similarities of each day. Then maybe one of those similarities include seeing the same person over and over again. I think this why people sometimes get hooked on seeing, just seeing, someone and observing them. This person that you never spoke to or knew, becomes a fixture in your routine, and you start to build all those elaborate stories about that person. The illusion overpowers you that sometimes you feel like you know that person, but in fact you don't and probably, if you get to know that person, they would never be as grand or great as your illusion. Any contact with that person, real contact, will shatter the image and you will no longer be entertained.
- On fashion: it's true that we see ourselves in a different light than that with which others see us. Many times, I have been complemented on a look that seemed different than my usual comfort zone. Usually, at times when I am all dressed up and fancy. Later, I would look at myself and wonder what those people are complementing me for, I see no beauty and no elegance. I have come to like myself in a more simple light, I prefer a pony tail or a messy bun to an elaborate time-consuming up-do, I like to dress in a simple shirt and trousers rather than those fancy, look-how-feminine I am outfits, I prefer the clean fresh look of a face that has just gone on a long relaxing run to a face that is all made up, I like small elegant earrings that just hint at themselves, rather than those that stick out and tell you look at me. I have found that effortless chic is the best kind and being comfortable in your own skin is much more elegant than trying to conform to what others deem as pretty.
- Change: people can change, I believe in that because I have changed many times. I guess the confusing part is that people don't change drastically; it comes gradually and so those who see you on a regular basis will never catch on. People change in that they develop, the good becomes better and the bad becomes worse; it's the cycle of life and we all go through it. I find the notion of people not changing is very depressing and hope-killing. If we can't change however so slightly, then there is no point of going on. Sure, the mind often gets stuck in patterns, but we have to notice these patterns and try to avoid them; we have to make an effort to change, because it won't come any other way.
- There are those people who try and get to you for no reason other than curiosity. They might not mean harm, but they still want to find the truth about you. I usually don't mind them because they're often wrong. It's the ones that are right who scare me, because sometimes they make note of things I have failed to notice within me. It scares me that there is this possibility that someone might know me better than I know myself. I often refuse this notion and just attribute it to a lucky coincidence, but sometimes I fail to believe that.
- Some ideas survive forever within the corners of your brain; you might ignore them, substitute them, try and kill them, but you shall fail every time. These ideas will live on and on, maybe even after your own demise. So, just give in to them and let them be, stop resisting them, because they will only grow more vicious. Just let them be a part of you and they will settle down; happy to be included and reminding you of their existence very sparingly.