Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Her Escape

They smiled; the moment they saw each other, they both smiled, it couldn't be determined who smiled first, but it happened every time without fail. She was determined on being serious that day; it wasn't a laughing matter, it was the end. She felt it would be unfair if she seemed joyful, but what she to do when she always found herself elated in his presence? And so she smiled, dissipating all tension and annoyance within her. It was early in the morning, and she hadn't slept much, while he didn't sleep at all so that he could make their appointment; his eyes were red and puffy. She felt sorry that she dragged him that early in the morning, but she was afraid if she waited one more day she would chicken out. The fact that he was so nice about it, made her feel worse.

They talked, as usual in their meetings, about everything; no subject was off topic and she had never felt she had to be restrained while talking to him, something that she loved and knew was going to miss immensely. There was the heated political discussion, the cynical ridicule of the other, the family talk and everything else in between including her stubbornness and his depressing nature, the waiter's disappearance, the addiction of coffee, his seemingly dark, but good nature, her intelligence, his changing plan and her lack of a plan, their regrets, the dark period of her life, and then the fearful subject was brought up. He looked at her in disbelief, "I understand and I can relate and whatever you want will be done, but you're just escaping the problem, you're not solving it." she thought about it, but there was no other solution; it tore her apart, but she had to move forward and she worried about her never being able to. "I just want to prevent further annoyance and sadness in the future, I know how it will play out," she said thinking of how devastating it would be for her when he finds someone and she would be a witness to their union, being tortured from the inside. "It's easy for you, you won't feel anything and it won't differ, but I am the one who's incapable of living because of that. I need to focus," she explained, wishing that maybe it did make a difference in his life, her leaving. "First of all, never mind what I feel or don't feel, secondly you should make your decision despite any other factor and you've already made it. You're not making your mind, you've already decided. And what focus, really?" he asked, it was true, there wasn't that much to focus on, but she needed to put this whole situation behind her and start forgetting; she needed a fresh start.

When it was time to leave, he refused to take the birthday gift she had given him at the beginning of their meeting. She was annoyed and asked him to just take it, that it was a favor. "What favor? You don't get to ask for favors, not when you're doing what you're doing. You know I can't take this, it's not right." Sure, it wasn't, but it would make her feel better if he took it. She tried to get him to take it, tried leaving it in the middle of the street, but nothing worked. "OK, maybe this is wrong, maybe it shouldn't be the end," she said. "You're just doing this because I won't take the gift. Don't you think this is stubborn? You came today to end it," he reminded her, "I mean this thing has been going on for a while," he added. She was taken back by what he said, was he accusing her of something? Her pride was hurt, "Yeah, you're right. It's been going on for a while and it has become ridiculous. Yeah, it's the right decision. i understand. You're making perfect sense," she said, taking the gift. "What are you doing now?" he asked, sensing her annoyance. "I am leaving. Have a nice life," she said as she got into her car. He kept standing next to the car, watching her until she drove away, with a strange expression on his face.

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