Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Don't you want me baby?

There was this job that I applied for and I was supposed to hear from them by today if I was accepted, and of course I didn't hear anything except the silence of rejection. I really wanted this job for no other reason than that I believe that I will do good in it and that I might actually enjoy myself.

3al 3moum, it doesn't really matter, I am used to it.

On the other side, I am flirting with depression. I am at the ledge, half of my newly bandaged feet is in and the other half is out. It seems like the only thing that wants me these days, but oddly enough I don't want it back.

Yesterday, while I am in the middle of the operation (with my legs completely numb and my eyes wide open, having a lively conversation about production lines with the anesthesia doctor), I realized that I haven't changed, I mean drastically changed. While this might be a good thing, I don't believe that it is. I believe that I have to change, that my mere existence depends on me changing. When I was in this same situation the year before last, I vowed that I would change, that my life will be completely different. Yet here I am, depressed, confused, mesmerized and maybe even more complicated than before, but deep down I am still the same person with the same weaknesses, problems and mistakes, just a bit of experience added, that is all.

I guess I can look at this operation as a reminder, I mean it came at a time where my life completely lacks interest, my job sucks, I am emotionally unstable and well, I don't feel strong at all (mentally and physically). The irony of it all is that I can't run away from it, literally; hehe.

Yes, it was a reminder of time slipping away and me still battling the same old rotting windmills.What will I do? I don't know, but my eyes are wide open.
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On another, more upbeat note, Yesterday's match was very entertaining, I mean for the first time in a long time I was excited about our team's performance. Am I hopeful? Not so much. They played well, but I don't think we're going anywhere, not just yet. However, I do hope that the next match is as good as this one, even if we lose.

It's getting hotter and hotter out there, and my cat who has a lot of hair, demands air conditioning. Whenever he's out in the garden, he would meow his heart out until we let him indoors, where there's air conditioning. He would then situate himself on the marble floor where the cold air hits the ground and sleep with his legs up in the air.

2 comments:

marooned84 said...

Both matches went great, I guess. Very entertaining as you said.

Salamtek :)

Cesario said...

Allah Yesalemak. I am looking forward to today's match, hope we can play well.

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