Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The dark corner


There, it lurks, it waits and snickers every now and then. It taunts me and seduces me...

There are times, when I don't want to go back or forward, and I don't even want to stay still. I just want it to end. Everything, pouf, in a second. To deny these states would be a lie, but to give in to them would be the manifestation of weakness. So, I fight it with vehemence, with all the brain cells I have left, and all the endorphins that are occasionally produced in there.

Last Sunday, I spent a considerable amount of time inside the gym, trying to make these thoughts go away. It worked, but it's always temporary. I always have to start over again.

I look at those people who find it in them to be preppy and perky all the time and I wonder whether they fake it or they really are genuinely excited. I fail to find the answer every time. I know that all people have problems and worries, so they must have something that irk them. So, do they just ignore it?

There is this bus driver, who has a very nice smile. I always feel like he has a genuine smile; one that maybe it is inspired by the contentment within his heart. I like it when I ride in his bus; it gives me hope. I like his smile very much. Strange, huh? Am I envious of him? No, but I would like to someday be able to smile like that, without restrain and yet sincerely.


2 comments:

ibhog said...

My 2010 rendered me a murky corner just like the one you described.

A medley of career/financial/emotional/mental/domestic trouble is how I'd describe my lack of perkiness.

We .. are complicated .. *sigh*

I much envy the bus driver. I bet he doesn't even think about what 2010 (or any year for that matter) did to him.

be well, Sina! :)

Sina said...

You too ya Ibhog. Hope 2011 proves to be kinder and sweeter :)

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