Wednesday, April 22, 2009

A controlled mess

I was thinking that I prefer a controlled mess than messy control. In fact, I can probably say that I despise inconsistent authority or unknowing actions. If you're not sure of something, say so, don't go on acting as if you do know something when you don't.
I want to be optimistic and positive, but today (especially after a much unneeded outburst at work), I find it quite difficult. I don't find it in my capacity to make anybody feel better and I don't find it in my capacity to actually do a simple thing as smile. I am not depressed, but I am quite angry. Yesterday's outburst (which is much regretted) has shown that in fact I am harboring hostile feelings that have been suffocated for the past period and I don't know the source of these hostile feelings and I am too angry to care.
I keep reminding myself to breathe, but I keep on forgetting. The coming two days aren't delightful, but must be done. And so, with a heavy heart, a raging mind and numb feet I go on with my undefined life and pray that maybe someday, there shall be definition and I wouldn't have to base life-altering decisions on a coin toss.

listening to~Al sawt, al ra2e7a,al shakl - Reem El Banna

2 comments:

SaRaH said...

Well Girl It is bad that you feel that angry but I am glad you are letting it out try to avoid having this outbursts at work though and try to reach the source. Keep well my friend and do remember to breathe it helps :)
BTW: I change to word press an my new blog is http://souonecanobee.wordpress.com

marooned84 said...

Please send me the song, or tell me how to get it!

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