Saturday, April 16, 2016

The Loss of Odin

It was not the receding hairline or the small muffin top that he suddenly developed. He still maintained some charm. It was the lack of life. It was as if those novel physical alterations were indicators of the beginning of a soulful decline.
Before meeting up, Tanne found herself nervous that all of the old feelings would rush back. She feared that she would be stuck, once more, in a love triangle without a third edge. It all changed when they sat down, and she realized that all of the things that made him beautiful in her eyes were lost.
She struggled to understand why Odin seemed so lifeless. According to his stories, he had a more stable life, an interesting job and an overall calmer existence.
The takeaway from the quick meeting was sadness and disbelief. The former was for him and latter was for her. She could not fathom that this was the man she almost fell for seven years ago. She wondered if he was always like that and she just failed to see it. The melancholy was for him. A small part within her wanted him to remain as he was. That part wanted validation for what it made her feel years before. It wanted to jump up and say "I told you so". It did not. In fact, that part of her wondered if maybe it steered the ship in the wrong direction.
Tanne found herself re-estimating all of her romantic choices. She doubted her ability to make sound choices. At the same time, she wanted to help him. She imagined if they became real friends, she can steer him in the right direction and rehabilitate his soul. She would not do that for herself, but for him. She felt, as a friend, she owed it to him.
She wondered, though, if she had enough life within her to breathe life into Odin. She had just regained her spiritual footing after a bad tumble. Her ego partly rejoiced that she was seemingly better than him. As with broken romantic ties, there was always a comparison to being reunited. However, she found no joy. Her ego rejoiced alone, unaccompanied by any other part of her. It was a lonely party, but as expected from an ego, it did not care. It was enough. Slowly, Tanne realized that resuscitating him was not an option. Tanne also feared that maybe he would suck her in his undead existence. Maybe his soulless pull would better her soulful reawakening.
Perhaps another brave soul would be able to do it. She prayed that she would not witness the rebirth of his soul on the hands of another. Jealousy refused to leave her side.
She felt the need to say farewell, properly, but as with half-lives, it was impossible. They flit and fidget everywhere, unable to focus on anything.
He was half a life, walking, talking, but not living. Just existing. It was almost painful to watch. There goes the lively soul she once thought was so precious and good. It still maintained some charm, but it was no longer itself. Odin was forever lost. 

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