Tuesday, April 12, 2016

I miss you

I find it really hard to respond honestly to this phrase "I miss you". It is a simple phrase; neat, three words, not messy at all. It is uncomplicated and unhindered.

Allow me to digress.

Emotions make me uncomfortable. Expressed emotions make me even more uncomfortable. I do not like expressing emotions and I do not like being the recipient of expressed emotions. I have expressed genuine emotions only a couple of times in my life and I regretted it every time.

I am from the section of society that would show emotions only to pets. I love my cats. I miss them constantly and I feel homesick whenever I am away from them. When I didn't have a cat, I trolled the internet for pictures of cats, trolled the streets for stray cats and fantasized about the day that I would have a cat.

I do not know why, but I rarely miss people. The people I would miss sometimes are my family members and only in certain situations.

I miss places more than people. I pine over Scotland all the time. I always say that my love for Scotland is unrequited. It is.

I miss situations. That time when my flipflop decided to break while hiking up a hill, or that time when I hiked solo up a mountain. I miss a fully-stocked and spacious kitchen whenever I have to work in small kitchens. I miss the day when I would find fulfillment on earth.

When I was a teenager, I did not care about anyone or anything. I remember my father once called me into his office and talked to me about caring. He told me I have to start caring about my mother and sisters. He told me I have to ask about them and make sure they are alright. He told me even if I am sure they are ok, I still have to ask. I did not understand what he was doing or what he was asking of me. However, I knew I had to do what he said.

I think if it wasn't for this brief conversation with my father and the chores he gave me, I would have become a sociopath.

Now back to the neat, three-worded phrase.

I find it hard to genuinely respond to this phrase. I also think that the phrase is redundant, saying it doesn't mean anything and doesn't accomplish anything. I would rather not say anything and just talk to the person. What is the point of saying these useless phrases? It won't make you miss the person less and it won't make the person miss you.

I can say "same here" or "me too" to be polite once, maybe twice, but I can't keep saying it. I can't keep saying something I don't mean. And I also feel annoyed when people shove emotions in your face. I mean why on earth would anyone miss someone that much unless they are dead?  And I am not talking about parents missing their children, I am talking about two people who know each other as friends, romantic partners, etc... I just think it is sick to miss someone so much you have to shove it in their face every time you speak.

No wonder I like emotionally unavailable people. My peeps!

Shut up and just repress your emotions like everyone else. It's the polite thing to do.

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