Fight

Her Blackberry was flashing red; an indication of a message waiting or a phone call missed or an email sent. The red light kept flashing and as she stared in it, her eyes got blurry. She had no interest in picking up the phone, she had no interest in seeing who wanted to contact her, she had no interest in anything. Her life had come to a halt, her past haunted her, her failings spoke to her regularly, her head swarmed in screaming voices; there was no escape. It wasn't as if she had anything to rush to anyhow; her job was a joke, she had no social life and her family, well they didn't need her anymore. Her life was as empty as she felt. She was shunned from life; the universe has shunned her from her rights to a normal life and no matter what she did, it just kept pushing her to the ground. No tears remained, no pain dwelled, no thoughts created, nothing.

She had to wake up every day, get dressed every day, go to work every day, see her friends every day, smile every day when every fiber in her being wanted to scream, to throw a fit, to burst. Everything was too calm, everyone just moved on with their lives and left her in a corner. The funny thing is that this stinking, damp, dark corner was in her own mind; she was stuck in a nonexistent place. Everyone just told her move on, do something with your life, find your passion, travel, see people, get involved, do this do that. Each person had their own version of what would be best for her; they were all experts on her own life, but how would they when she didn't even have a clue.

She wondered what would happen if she just died, would that cause any ripples? would people care? How long before they would move on? People; she hated their interference and yet she cared about what they thought. She'd always needed to get somebody's opinion about anything in her life, she never really took an individual decision, it was just too hard. It was too hard to live with herself if that decision was wrong; if she made a mistake, it would devastate her. She wanted to be strong and independent, but she didn't know how and when she is alone, her emptiness grew, she would no longer be capable of identifying herself, she'd be lost within the folds of humanity. She didn't want to be lost, that's why she stuck to what she knew; never venturing beyond the borderline of her own fears or her comfort zone.

Just as she was about to shove the blanket back on her head, she noticed something shiny at the corner of her eye. It was her new designer suitcase that her brother sent her from New york; he knew how much she loved designer things. The suitcase was unopened; untouched for the 12 months that it spent in her room. She hadn't been anywhere in over 2 years and she never traveled alone. The suitcase was still glinting from the light that sneaked from behind the curtains; it was as if the suitcase was speaking to her. It was time to move on, to figure out her deepest darkest desire and get on with it. She had to, she owed to herself, she had to fight, but she was fighting herself, that lurking feeling of emptiness, the dark corner within her mind and she knew it would be the hardest battle of her life...