I want to write something, it has been a while, but I don't know what I want to write about; many topics come to mind; parents, defeat, longing, mellow music, myths, imagination, but nothing is really pushing me towards something in particular and so I will try and encompass them all within the post.
You are brought into this world crying, only to find two people(hopefully) comforting you and making you feel safe; it's a blessing and you realize it even before you begin to comprehend your existence. As an infant you try to exploit it as much as you can, which is amazing given that your brain is still forming, but instinctively you demand the presence of one of these big figures, to be held in their arms, smell their closeness, feel their care; all because you need to feel safe, protected and cared for. As a child, you learn to respect the adults who give you candy, drop you off to school and prepare lunch for you. You don't really have distinctive feelings towards them, it's a combination of emotions and thoughts that you don't understand, but you know that you want them to be with you as long as you can hold on to them and that they are very important to you. As a teenager, you start to realize the difference between you and them, and they start to feel different, distant and in-comprehensive. You still respect them and you still want them, but you don't really understand them, and so you start trying to fill the gaps, make amends, rebel, appeal or imitate. It's a mixed up time and the feelings of love and affection for your parents become blurred midst the realization of your existence and wonder of the new world discovered. The love is still there, but just not fulfilled or realized, it is in fact distanced; isolated and unused within the corners of your mind. As a young adult, you start to learn and realize that there's something called a relationship with your parents that you need to cultivate and breed; a shrub in need of water and air to breathe. You start experimenting with it, what makes things flourish and what other things that causes a storm to rip the roots of the shrub; the delicate balance is very exhausting at first and sometimes you feel like giving up. As an adult, you start to feel their love, affection and concern, but you revel in their understanding of your personality and their respect of your existence and decisions. If you survive all through these phases, you attain something of great significance and an experience that couldn't be replicated in any other circumstance. It's not heavenly, but it's earthly qualities promise to amuse and entertain.
People always try to avoid defeat, and it does make sense really to try at all costs to stay away from such a result. I guess the most difficult thing to do is to accept defeat, to raise the white flag and say "I surrender", and it seems really scary to do so. Defeat isn't sweet, or encouraging, and it's not similar to failure either, because you can be defeated as a winner. Failure is not being able to succeed at something, but defeat is realizing that nothing can be done to change an outcome and any attempt will be met with failure. Defeat encompasses failure and it's such a great concept that it seems like a whirlpool. Accepting failure is easy, because you always concoct another method for fighting, but defeat is a whole other matter, where you realize that you have in fact lost a war, not only a battle. It almost seems like the whole universe is on one side and defeat is on another completely different side and the dividing line is so clear and so definitive; we're all crowded behind this line, pushing each other to cross it, but only a few have the strength to do so, as we all watch in bewilderment. Being defeated isn't a great feeling and you don't really learn anything from declaring defeat(as opposed to declaring failure, where you learn what not to be done), but what you get from accepting defeat is a solemn serenity that is different from any other calm; it's almost like the quietness before the storm; it's empty with some distant prospect of hope. You might enjoy it and you might hate it, it really depends on your personality, but for one thing it's like nothing you've experienced before.
It's strange, very strange when you start to miss things you never really knew you could miss. Some people like it, but I just find it very weird and almost obtuse; just like a blunt knife, it doesn't really cut you, but it's still dangerous, threatening to be used in another manner to destroy you. Longing is not intense at all, in fact most of the time, it's in the background lounging about,doing nothing, it resembles someone who stands idly by the side of the road; he's neither crossing nor walking, just standing there making drivers anxious and crowding pedestrians and people wonder why he's standing like that, but they aren't really bothered by him. Longing doesn't fade away quickly, it takes time, because it was built up inside of you while you were taking care of more intense emotions, so you weren't really paying attention to what was happening, it snuck up on you while you weren't looking and now it boasts its existence in your face and you just have to ignore it, because there's nothing else to do really.
Thank God for cool people; those like Jack Johnson, John Mayer, Norah Jones, Alexi Murdoch,etc... I love mellow music and I really count it as an essential element for the survival of our species. It's really comforting and nice and non-pressuring, you can just enjoy it and it makes you feel good and whole. It's a wonderful feeling. I do recommend "Chasing pirates" by norah Jones; her new single... PURRfection(cat's perfection)
I love legends and myths, when I was a child I thought that mermaids and nymphs exist and there was a giant guy whom you can get to if you climbed a giant bean stock. I guess I can thank my mother for my love of myths, because she was the one who introduced me to Gulliver's travels and I used to go shopping for books with her even though I couldn't read, but she used to show me the covers and I would choose the ones that appealed to me. I loved bed-time stories and she never really turned me down when I asked for one.
Some little part of me still hopes that I will run into a mermaid.
I don't really want to consider the world without such a gift as imagination; it would have been very boring. Novels such as Harry potter, lord of the rings, Chronicles of Narnia, a series of unfortunate events and many other wouldn't have existed. Really, the world without imagination would mean no inventions, no ideas, nothing. We would have been still in the caves being hunted down. I love imagination, it gets me through a lot of crap. However, you don't want to be sucked in your imagination, that's how you develop mental illness.
Right now, I am imagining a beach in Greece on a perfect summer day. HEAVEN...